Grand Theft Planet

This story was published in the Doctor Who Storybook 2009, with illustrations by Daryl Joyce. Thanks to the lovely people at Panini, I've got permission to post the text here, for free. Please don't repost, just link to this website if you want to share.

I've pasted the story from my final text copy, to save myself hours of formatting, so any grammatical errors are my fault and not the editor's.

Story notes: This is one of my favourite stories, I had SO much fun writing for Donna again. We had quite a strict word count for the Storybook, and I went over a bit. I sent it in anyway, suggesting a couple of options for cuts - but Russell, who at the time was the Who showrunner and oversaw everything, read it and insisted it be left as is, which was extremely unexpected and very lovely of him. I've often thought this could have worked as a Doctor/Donna era TV story, given an unlimited budget... The story also features the return of my regular gag about a lever snapping off on the console, which I think I've used three or four times now.

Originally presented in The Doctor Who Storybook 2009. Reprinted with the kind permission of Panini UK.

Grand Theft Planet!

​By James Moran

Donna was starting to get used to arriving in the wrong place at the wrong time. Now, every time the Doctor flung open the TARDIS doors she flinched slightly, wondering if they were going to end up in the centre of a star, or in the middle of a battle. The Doctor, for his part, had stopped announcing where and when they were because it was getting embarrassing. 'San Francisco,' he'd happily shout, only to open the doors and discover that they were in Dagenham. In the latter Jurassic era. Which was a bit more ancient and, well, dinosaury. Nothing wrong with dinosaurs, of course. But they did tend to try and eat you.

But, lately, he'd got it right several times in a row and was feeling more confident. He raced around the console and pulled a lever – which immediately snapped off in his hand. Donna stared at it, but he just threw it over his shoulder.

'Don't worry, it's always doing that,' he said. Which wasn't exactly reassuring.

'Wouldn't it be a good idea to fix it, then?' asked Donna. 'So we don't get killed?'

'You worry too much,' replied the Doctor, just before everything lurched sideways and turned itself inside out. He wrestled with the controls while Donna tried to figure out which way was up. Things calmed down and settled again. The Doctor looked up and grinned. He strode over to the doors and flung them open, looking back at Donna as he did so.

'Coral City, on the fantastic leisure planet of Splendorosa!' he announced, beaming.

Donna walked over, and coughed. The Doctor turned around. Outside was nothing but empty space. Donna looked up, and saw a planet far above them. She pointed.

'Up there a bit.'

'Right, right, yes, nothing to worry about, probably didn't compensate for the... something or other. Hang on!'

He fiddled with the controls, and the central column rose and fell once. The Doctor bounded over to the doors, followed by Donna. He flung the doors open again.

'Coral City, on the fantastic leisure planet of Splendorosa!' he announced again.

They both looked outside at a massive canyon in the ground. Donna looked up again, and pointed.

'Up there a bit.'

Coral City was now floating several hundred feet up in the air. A large chunk of the ground seemed to have ripped itself out and gone for a hover, taking the entire city with it. It was stable, level, just... up in the sky.The Doctor and Donna stepped out to get a better look. Transport ships moved back and forth, ferrying passengers from the ground to the city, and back again. Things seemed to be running smoothly.

'That's odd,' said the Doctor. 'It used to be on the ground. Like most other cities. They're heavy like that, usually works out better that way. I wonder what happened? Come on!'

And he was off, racing towards one of the transport ships that was just arriving. Donna smiled and started to follow him. 'Sure,' she said, to his back. 'Floating city, why not? At least nobody's tried to kill us yet. Which is always nice.'

* * *

When they got up to the city, the streets were reassuringly solid. Donna stamped around a bit to make sure that nothing was going to suddenly hurtle to the ground, hundreds of feet below. Although, as the Doctor pointed out, if it was going to fall, stamping on it probably wouldn't help. Looking around, they noticed lots of signs that had been hastily re-painted to add the words 'THE FABULOUS FLOATING' just before 'Coral City'.

'Hmm,' said the Doctor. 'Must have been fairly recent, then.'

'That or they're all skinflints,' replied Donna. 'My local pub still has "Mandy's Famous Pub Lunches" on the sign outside, but Mandy moved to Spain twenty years ago. And they don't do lunches any more. And it's a mobile phone shop now.'

'Why'd you leave that till last? I'd have thought that was the most pertinent piece of information.'

'In spaceman logic, maybe.'

'We need to find someone who'd know. Can't tell who are locals and who are tourists. Ah! That looks likely!'

The Doctor raced off towards a building marked 'Jellop's Tourist Information Centre'. As he did, he called back over his shoulder: 'Let's hope it's not a mobile phone shop!'

* * *

Inside, they were relieved to discover that it was still a tourist information centre. What's more, Jellop was still there, and more than eager to give them the grand tour. Five minutes and two rows of dusty old ceremonial armour later, the grand tour was over, and Jellop sat them down in front of a rickety screen. He slapped the projector until it clattered into life, and waited proudly while it talked them through the story of Coral City.

According to the narrator, who sounded suspiciously like Jellop putting on a posh voice, the ground on Splendorosa contained high levels of Strontilite, an unusually magnetic metal. The soil was flecked with it, and occasionally random fragments spontaneously changed their polarity. Ten years ago, all of the Strontilite under Coral City suddenly changed polarity, and became repelled by the ground underneath and around it – which meant the foundations of the city ripped themselves out of the ground, and hovered up in the air. Like two opposing magnets that repel each other. Except really, really, really big. Many tests were done – demonstrated on the screen by a bad actor dressed up as a scientist, who looked suspiciously like Jellop in a fake beard and white coat – which concluded that a sudden polarity change was the cause, as everyone had expected. Massive stabilisers were built to keep the city steady, several ferries were put into operation, and the city became more popular than ever.

'Hang on a minute,' said the Doctor.

'The presentation's not actually quite finished yet,' said Jellop, hopping from one foot to another. He didn't get many visitors, and wanted everything to go smoothly.

'Yeah, but – what made it change polarity? Bit of a coincidence that so much of this Strontilite stuff should change in the one place, don't you think? Well, you probably don't, you're not a scientist I suppose, speaking of which, who did these tests?'

Jellop looked through some sheets of paper, trying to remember. This wasn't in his tourist script, so he had to look it up. He found the relevant piece of paper, and held it up triumphantly.

'Geocorp!' he announced. 'Geocorp, they did the tests, and very thorough they were too, they checked, er, all of the ground, with their little, um, ground... checking machines.'

The Doctor beamed at him. 'So why don't I go and have a chat with them. Donna, you coming?'

Donna folded her arms. 'Hmm, go and see some scientist talk about geological surveys, or stay in the riveting tourist information centre? How do I choose?'

'If it helps,' said Jellop. 'We have a set of special massage chairs that you might like to try. A demonstration of the unique properties of the Strontilite. Each chair contains lots of specially ground dust from–'

'There you go,' said the Doctor, already halfway out the door. 'Massage chairs, you check them out, won't be long.'

'Oh he's always doing that,' complained Donna. 'C'mon, let's see these chairs, then.'

* * *

The Doctor strode up to the reception desk at Geocorp's enormous offices and flashed his psychic paper at the woman behind the desk as he passed by.

'Here to see the boss. I'm the Director of the Geological Society. Don't get up, I'll let myself in. This way, is it?'

'Sir, you can't just–'

But the Doctor walked straight in, grinning at the flustered receptionist.

'I know! Naughty, aren't I?'

He shut the door behind him. Inside was a large, luxurious office, with a large, luxurious man seated behind the desk. The man, according to the brass nameplate on the desk, was Volsairius Trefgar, CEO. And his face was turning several interesting shades of purple.

'What is the meaning of this?' barked Trefgar. 'You can't just waltz in here, I'm the CEO.'

'Ah, yes, well, your receptionist said that too, but the thing is, I just did. I know I did, because I'm here. Didn't waltz though. More of a march. Anyway, hello! I'm the Doctor. Geological Society. Blimey that's a nice view.'

He flashed the psychic paper again as he wandered over to the huge picture window. It was indeed a nice view, of the whole city.

'How do people know what the view is going to be like?' continued the Doctor. 'I mean, when you start building something, you're on the ground, you don't know what the view'll be like from the fiftieth floor, do you? Can't exactly build the whole thing, then get to the top, and say ooh, can we shift it a bit to the left?'

Trefgar stood up. 'You're here on business, from the Geological Society?' he asked.

'That's right, great bunch they are too... we are, I mean.'

'Well? What is it?'

'Sorry, yeah, just a few questions about the whole hovering thing. Going over exactly how it happened.'

'Everyone knows how it happened. The ground of Splendorosa is flecked with an unusually magnetic–'

'Yeah, yeah, I know all the publicity blurb, I've been to the tourist centre. My mate's there now, checking out their massage chairs. Fascinating metal, that Strontilite. Thing is, I just don't see how a massive patch of it could suddenly all change polarity at the same time. And I'm not seeing how it'd be strong enough to lift an entire city. I'm just not seeing it, Trefgar me old mucker.'

'Then perhaps you should look more closely at the survey.'

'That's right, the survey. Which Geocorp did. You wouldn't have all the raw data handy, would you? Just so we could, you know... double check all the figures and make sure nothing was missed?'

Trefgar stared at the Doctor, his eyes narrowing.

'I assure you, sir, that nothing was missed. We went over the data several times ourselves. What other explanation could there be? Do you think the city simply became tired of being on the ground? Perhaps it floated up into the air of its own accord?'

The Doctor looked back at Trefgar, getting more serious now.

'In my experience, Trefgar, things are never quite as simple as they seem. But you won't mind letting me see that raw data, will you? Nothing to be concerned about, is there?'

'Of course not. But I cannot let anyone outside the company see the raw data. Our methods are highly confidential. I wouldn't want our competitors discovering exactly how we do things here.'

'And exactly how do you do things here, Trefgar?'

There was an awkward silence, until Trefgar smiled.

'As I said. Our methods are confidential. But the analysis survey results are a matter of public record, I suggest you double check those back at the tourist office. Yes, our guest was just leaving.'

The last part was directed to the large, burly men who had suddenly appeared behind the Doctor to escort him out.

'Oh, hello. You're quite large, aren't you? Well, I'd better be off, taken up too much of your time already. It's all right, I'll see myself out.'

The Doctor left, closely followed by the two large men. The doors closed.

Trefgar reached for a button on his desk and called up a communications screen. Static fizzed then cleared to show an ugly, pug-faced alien. It didn't look happy at all.

'Did you hear all of that?' asked Trefgar.

'Yes! Get rid of him!' shouted the alien.

'I did. He's gone.'

'No! Get rid of him. Rid! Rid!'

'Oh. I see. As you wish.'

The alien harrumphed, and the screen went blank. Trefgar shook his head with distaste. 'Terrible conversationalists.'

He took a small computer control device out of his desk drawer, and switched it on.

* * *

When the Doctor arrived back at the tourist office, Donna was still in one of the massage chairs. She beckoned him over, excitedly.

'You have got to try these! They're brilliant! They're full of dust, crushed up bits of Strontywhatsit, he can make them go all wibbly.'

'Strontilite,' said Jellop, helpfully. 'I pass a low level magnetic field back and forth, and it animates the dust, providing a wonderful massage experience.'

The Doctor jumped into one of them.

'Go on then, I'll give it a bash. Although we can't stay here long, Donna, I've got a mission for you.'

'Oh not now, I'm enjoying this too much.' Then suddenly she winced. 'Oi, take it easy, mate, I'm not made of metal.'

Jellop looked at her, frowning nervously. 'It's on the same setting, I haven't–'

'Ow!'

Jellop looked at the controller on the chair. It was still set at 1. He shrugged. And then Donna shrieked, as the chair started to stand up, forming a humanoid shape, holding on to her with its leather arms. The Doctor jumped out of his chair, grabbed Donna round the waist and pulled her out of the chair creature's grip. He yanked the zip on the side of the chair. Dust and foam came cascading out, and the chair collapsed, unmoving. Donna stared at it.

'What the hell was that all about?' she gasped, rubbing her aching muscles. 'Have you ever seen anything like that?'

'Once or twice. But not with bits of magnetic metal. Almost as if...'

There was a faint clanking sound which seemed to be coming from the corridor, where the two rows of old ceremonial armour stood.

'As if someone was controlling it. Er, Jellop, are those suits of armour made of Strontilite too?'

'They are, yes. Why?'

Another clank. Everyone slowly turned to look at the armour. The museum display had its lights dimmed, and the armour looked sinister in the near darkness. Then one of suits of armour clanked again, and turned to face them. The other suits did the same. They raised their swords, and marched forward to attack.

'Get back!' yelled the Doctor to Donna. 'Jellop, are they supposed to do that?'

'No, I can't understand it. They're just suits, nobody inside them.'

The nearest suit swung a sword at Donna. She ducked, and the sword crashed through a glass display case, sending ornaments flying. The Doctor and Donna ran for the exit door, but one of the suits threw its sword, which narrowly missed their heads and embedded itself into the door frame. The door was jammed shut. The Doctor pulled at the sword, but it was stuck firmly. And the other suits were approaching, fast.

Two came at the Doctor, swinging their swords. He dove between them, causing them to hit each other by mistake. Pieces of the armour shattered off and hit the floor – but the suits kept moving, despite the massive holes in their sides. It was easy to see now that there was nobody inside, which made it even scarier.

Donna picked up a vase, and prepared to throw it at an approaching suit.

'No!' shouted Jellop. 'That's a priceless example of the ancient Mieul Dynasty, cast in pure triple-bonded Lurilium!'

Donna smashed it over a suit, breaking the vase – and the suit – into several pieces.

'Not any more it's not,' said Donna. Jellop just stared at her, opening and closing his mouth in shock. Donna shrugged. 'Well if it was priceless, nobody could afford to buy it anyway, so what's the difference?'

The Doctor dodged another suit, and kicked it into a wall, knocking the head off, but it kept coming for him.

'Oi, Jellop! Have you got any other magnetic controllers? Anything malfunctioning?'

'No, just the massage chairs, but they're not powerful enough to be doing this.'

'Ah ha! Then we'll have to change that, won't we?'

The Doctor grabbed the control panel from the broken chair, and adjusted it with his sonic screwdriver. The air filled with a loud hum, as the panel suddenly started to increase in power. The Doctor aimed it at the suits of armour, pointing it at each one quickly. As he did so, each suit suddenly fell to pieces, shattering into fragments. When it was over, he switched the panel off again, tossing it aside.

'Boosted the power,' explained the Doctor. 'It manipulated the Strontilite in your chairs, so I just made it manipulate the armour instead. At approximately ten thousand times the signal strength. They're solid, so they couldn't vibrate, and just... well, went to pieces. Sad, really. Still, bit of superglue, they'll be right as rain.'

'So it was that chair panel thing that malfunctioned, yeah?' asked Donna.

'No, oh no. Someone else was doing this, from outside the building. Which means that they can manipulate Strontilite to an incredibly high level. But why would they want to do a thing like that? We're going to have to do some undercover work. Well, I can't, they already know what I look like, but...'

He slowly turned to look at Donna. His eyes lit up. Donna shook her head.

'Oh, no you don't,' she said.

'Oh, yes I do.'

* * *

Standing outside Geocorp, Donna gave the Doctor a weary look.

'So I'm going in there to try and get a job?'

'Yeah, well, I mean, not really, you're just pretending.'

'Yeah, I got that, I'm a clever girl, me.'

'As soon as you get to a computer or a filing cabinet, look for anything you can find to do with the big geological survey, the one about the city starting to float. My guess is there's nothing there.'

'What if they don't give me the job?'

'Doesn't matter about the job! Just stick around as long as you can. Say anything, confuse them with long sentences, argue with them, you're good at arguing.'

'No I'm not!'

'See? You just started an argument without even thinking, brilliant! Off you pop, I'll be out here.'

'Oh, good, as long as you're safe.'

* * *

Donna walked into the waiting room, and sat down. The bored receptionist who led her in waved a hand vaguely, to indicate something or other.

'Just wait here, and someone will be with you sooner or later, or whatever,' she said, barely managing to stay awake, let alone speak.

'Thank you!' said Donna with a sweet smile. 'Always nice to meet someone who loves their job.'

'Eh? What?'

'Nothing, it's fine, I'll be fine here.'

The receptionist nodded, and wandered out. Donna muttered to herself, nervously. 'Need a computer, need a computer...'

There was one on a table in the corner. She smiled, and hurried over to it.

* * *

Outside, the Doctor waited, holding a mini walkie talkie he'd improvised from one of the museum display speakers. It crackled into life, and Donna's voice came out.

'Red Baron One to Stick Insect Base, come in Stick Insect Base, over.'

The Doctor grinned, and clicked the Send button. 'Why am I Stick Insect Base?'

'Well,' said Donna through the speaker. 'You look a bit like one. In a nice way, I mean.'

'Yeah, obviously. What's going on?'

'I've been all through their network, but there's nothing there.'

'Nothing? In what sense?'

'Nothing. In the nothingness sense. The absence of something. Want me to say it in Martian? I mean, if this is supposed to be a normal company, it's all wrong. The network's got a normal folder system, but there's hardly any files in it. Should be jammed with minutes of meetings, reports, letters, emails – but it's nearly empty. There's a few bits and bobs about deliveries, pens, maintenance, all that sort of thing. But only just enough to make it look like normal office business is going on.'

The Doctor frowned. 'Let me guess. Geocorp was founded just about the time the city suddenly started floating?'

'That's right. Ten years ago – the day before it happened. Whatever's going on, this whole company is just a front.'

'Exactly,' said the Doctor. 'But a front for what?'

'Security guards.'

'No, that wouldn't make sense, why would it be–'

'No, I mean, they're coming towards this room. I think they know I'm not really applying for a job.'

The Doctor's eyes widened. 'Donna! Get out of there. Now!'

But the walkie talkie went dead. The Doctor stared at it for a moment, and then ran off.

* * *

The Doctor raced into the building, past the confused receptionist, and into the lift. He blasted the controls with the sonic, and the lift shot up to the top floor, where Trefgar had his office. He leapt out, stormed down the corridor, and heroically kicked in the door – only to come face to face with several gun barrels. Donna, tied to a chair in the corner, rolled her eyes.

'Well done, spaceman,' she said.

'I came here to rescue you!' said the Doctor, feeling understandably aggrieved. The three security guards tied him up.

'Yeah, I can see that,' said Donna. 'Brilliant. Get caught and tied up, that'll show them.'

'Well... you got caught first, not me.'

'Ooh, he gets childish when he's embarrassed, doesn't he?'

'Stop talking about me in the third person! I'm right here!'

'What a relief, I'm saved.'

The Doctor rolled his eyes. 'Well, at least we know for sure that Trefgar's up to something. And oh, speak of the devil.'

Trefgar walked in, glowering at them.

'I am extremely irritated,' he said, and sounded it, too. 'I simply don't have time for this. You three, go away.'

The three guards left. Trefgar marched over to his desk and operated a control built into the wooden surface. The entire room seemed to shimmer. Suddenly, with an unpleasant yanking sensation, they found themselves on the bridge of a large spaceship. Several ugly, pug-faced aliens were operating the ship's controls. The Doctor and Donna looked at each other, worried.

The aliens all turned to stare at the newcomers. One of them waddled over to Trefgar.

'What is? What is, now? Speak!'

'Off-worlders, my dear Doulg. They're trying to interfere, I thought they'd be safer up here and away from the people. They could start a panic.'

'Doulg like panic! People panic when scoop!'

'Er, yes, quite,' smiled Trefgar.

'It time for scoop big now! Switch full power!'

One of the aliens tapped some buttons, and the whole ship shook slightly. The Doctor stared at Doulg, then realised finally who these aliens were.

'The Sarriflex! Of course, it all makes sense now.'

'Does it?' said Donna. 'They look like those little pug dogs. My cousin Ted had one of those. Always barking. Nasty yappy little thing, it was.'

'Probably related to this lot. They've been at war for hundreds of years, spend all their money on it, it's all they do. Been strip-mining their planet for ages, digging out the metal to build ships and guns and bombs, and–' The Doctor broke off, grinning. 'Oh! Oh, very clever. Despicable, but very clever. Well done, Trefgar, it's a brilliant plan.'

Trefgar looked at him, sneering. 'You can't possibly know what our plan is.'

'You want the Strontilite! The Sarriflex have sucked their own planet dry, they need metal to build more weapons. And what better metal than one that can be controlled from afar? Fleets of ships that can move together, guns that can be automatically aimed.' He tried a bit of ironic clapping, but his hands were still tied to the chair. He made do with an ironic wiggle of his eyebrows instead. 'Yes, very good. But you're a bit far away from Splendorosa, aren't you? Would take too long to ferry over enough metal to keep things going. Which is what that magnetic scoop is for.'

He nodded at one of the controls.

'You're not just stealing the metal. You're stealing the whole planet!'

Trefgar smiled, and nodded at the Doctor.

'Very good, Doctor. We've been setting this up for a long time.'

'Yeah, ten years I'd say. That when you first switched on the magnetic scoop? To lock it in? But it had side effects, didn't it? Coral City must have been caught in a condensed pocket. You pulled it out of the ground before you had a chance to fix it.'

'It was a regrettable mistake,' nodded Trefgar. 'We needed to set up Geocorp to explain what happened, in enough detail that people would be convinced.'

'And you've been slowly pulling the planet out of orbit ever since. But what about the people on the surface, Trefgar? Pull them away from their sun, they'll freeze to death. It's a long journey to the Sarriflex homeworld.'

Trefgar waved a hand. 'That is not my concern. Once the planet is out of its orbit, we should get it to Sarriflex in six months or so, just as they run out of their own metals. And I will receive my final payment.'

'You're not even from this planet,' said Donna, outraged. 'You're killing a whole civilisation – for money?'

'As good a reason as any. Would it be better if I did it for free?'

Donna seethed. 'You're killing a planet, so you can steal that planet, and make it into weapons, so you can beat some other planet in a war?'

'Well, I'm not,' said Trefgar. 'That's down to the Sarriflex. They're the ones fighting the war. I'm merely the middleman.'

Donna stared at him, staggered at his arrogance. 'I am so gonna smack you in the chops when I get out of these ropes, sunshine.'

'She will,' said the Doctor. 'And you won't like it.'

'Indeed?' Trefgar looked amused. 'But in the meantime–'

In the meantime, unseen by their captors, the Doctor had been silently running the sonic along the ropes which held Donna down. Just then, Donna's hands came loose. She leapt from the chair, strode straight over to Trefgar, and punched him right in the face. Trefgar wobbled for a moment, then fell over backwards. The Doctor freed his own hands and ran over to the teleport console, whipping out the sonic.

'Told you you wouldn't like it,' said the Doctor, just before they both teleported back down to Trefgar's office.

Back on Splendorosa, the Doctor fused the controls on Trefgar's desk.

'That'll stop them coming back down for a bit. Nice right hook, by the way.'

'Thanks,' Donna shook her hand and winced. 'Can we get some ice on the way back? His face was harder than it looked.'​

* * *

Jellop was startled from an afternoon nap in the wreckage of his office by the Doctor and Donna slamming in through the door.

'Jellop! We need to borrow one of your massage chairs,' the Doctor said. 'Well, I say the chair, I just mean the control panel. And I say borrow it, but I mean take it, forever, and never give it back.'

'I wasn't asleep,' mumbled Jellop. 'Can I help?'

'Never mind,' said the Doctor. He grabbed the control panel from the broken massage chair.

And then everything lurched sideways. The room tilted several degrees, and they all went sliding towards the wall.

'What's happening?' said Donna. 'Are they attacking?'

The Doctor glanced out of the window, frowning. 'No, they're moving to full power. In about ten minutes, this planet will be pulled out of orbit. But the power's not constant, anything that's not nailed down is going to be thrown around the place.'

'Like this city? The city's not nailed down.'

'Exactly. Come on!'

Donna made for the door, then stopped. 'Where are we going?' she asked.

'Back to Geocorp!'

'But we just left th–'

'Come on!'

* * *

​Outside, the entire city was tilting at a 45 degree angle. People slid down the streets, screaming in terror. Vehicles went tumbling past like toys. A large building toppled over, and flattened a section of elevated road. If they didn't do something soon, the city would be the first casualty of the magnetic scoop.

After what felt like hours of running up stairs – the lift was no longer safe, the Doctor had said – the two time-travellers burst back into Trefgar's office. The Doctor fiddled around with the wires inside the massage chair control panel.

'What are you doing?' demanded Donna.

'Converting this to send out a massive electro magnetic pulse combined with a wide scale sonic disruptor blast. If I can teleport it up to the ship, it'll shut off the magnetic scoop, and disable all their systems.'

Donna stood up, and stared through the doorway.

'Well, hurry up then.'

'Yes, hurrying, thank you!'

'Not just because of the city – because of them.'

She pointed through the door. The shattered pieces of Strontilite armour from the tourist centre were back – they were still smashed into pieces, but were being controlled once more, the dust and fragments forming a rough armour shape. They were grabbing chairs, tables, anything they could find for weapons. And they were heading straight for the office.

The Doctor cursed. 'Trefgar must be controlling them from the ship. Looks like he's increased the power on the metal controller, too. If I can get this to work, then it'll shut that off at the same time.'

'Stop saying if! It's very worrying!'

'Sorry. It's just that if–'

'You said if again! If if if!'

'Sorry! There, that should do it. Then we just get this back on again...'

He fixed the controls on Trefgar's desk, and aimed the transmitter at the device he had cobbled together. It vanished with a pop.

'Doctorrr!' yelled Donna, trying not to panic. She was holding the doors shut, while the reanimated suits of armour fragments tried to pull them open. The Doctor raced over, and held on with her. They glanced at each other.

'Is that thing going to work?' asked Donna.

'Let's hope so,' said the Doctor. 'Or we won't live long enough to crash into the ground.'

'That's comforting,' Donna said drily.

* * *

​Up on the Sarriflex ship, a small electronic device suddenly winked into existence on the bridge. Trefgar, who was nursing a black eye, stared at it.

'Oh, what now?' he complained, just as it began to shimmer with light. He flinched – but it flashed brightly once, made a slight hum, and turned itself off.

Along with all the electrical systems on board.

Doulg roared at him, furious. 'What is? What is, now?'

'They've disabled all our systems,' said Trefgar, appalled. He slumped down. 'We're powerless. And on our current course, we're going to drift into the sun.'

'Sun? No! Doulg not like sun! Sun hot!'

'Yes,' said Trefgar. 'Sun hot.'

* * *

​The Doctor and Donna heard a crash from outside the doors. After a moment they peered out. The reanimated suits of armour had collapsed into fragments again. Donna smiled.

'You did it! You're brilliant!'

She grabbed him, and jumped up and down in excitement. Then staggered sideways, forgetting that the ground was still lopsided.

'Oh,' she said.

'Yes,' said the Doctor. 'The city. Come on! If we hurry, we can stop it crashing.'

They ran outside, where things were getting more and more chaotic. A bus slid past on its side, narrowly missing them, and carving chunks out of every building it crashed into. Windows were smashing, and anything not firmly attached to the ground, was slipping and sliding off the tilted city. Even things that were firmly attached were starting to come loose. All over the city, hover-transports were leaving the buildings, as the people fled their suddenly unstable homes.

'You know,' said the Doctor. 'Just once – just once, mind – it'd be nice if I could leave a place the way I found it.'

'Well,' said Donna, 'at least you're keeping people busy. People like town planners, street cleaners, insurance investigators...'

'Thanks for that, big help, I feel much better now.'

The Doctor and Donna half ran, half slid down to the edge of the city.

'We do have a plan, don't we?' shouted Donna, over the noise of the wind, screaming people, and crunching masonry.

'The city's got stabilisers dotted around the edge, to keep it – well, stable. Hence the name. One of Geocorps's little pieces of insurance. They're not strong enough to support the weight though, they're just meant to keep it steady. I need to boost the power, so the city can come down nice and slowly.'

'Can we do that?'

'Of course. That's if we don't fall off the side.'

'You're saying if again.'

'Sorry!'

They reached the edge of the city, which was now almost completely on its side. The Doctor clung on to one of the stabilisers, and plunged his hands into the wiring, waving the sonic at some components and seemingly randomly plugging wires into other bits. Donna hung on to the other side, egging him on.

'Don't mean to hurry you,' she yelled.

'Then don't!'

'It's just that we're about to get run over by a building.'

The Doctor turned to look. In the middle of the street, a large department store had tipped over on to its side, and was rushing headlong towards them. The Doctor worked faster, and tried not to panic.

'Just need... to create a feedback loop... pass it through to the others, and... yes!'

Power flowed through the stabiliser and shot out to all the others. With a grinding crunch, the city quickly levelled off, just before the building reached them. The entire city wobbled for a moment, in that sickly way that only large masses of land can manage, then stabilised.

Slowly, quietly, the city lowered itself into the hole in the ground, the stabilisers doing their job. It slotted in neatly, settled down, and then the stabilisers burned themselves out.

'Just in time, eh?' said the Doctor. He winked at Donna.

'You saved everyone!' Donna beamed. 'I admit it. You are good, sometimes.'

'I know. Isn't it great? Well, apart from Trefgar and his mates on the ship. They'll just drift for a while. If they're lucky, they'll fall into the sun before the Shadow Proclamation finds them. Blimey, they're strict.'

'But what about the pug things? Won't they be back?'

'Doubt it. They're expecting delivery of this planet in six months, so they'll be busy with their war til then. Trefgar said the Sarriflex would run out of their own metals at just about the time the planet's due to arrive, so when it doesn't turn up, there'll be nothing they can do about it.'

'But won't their enemies just kill them all?'

'Probably. It is a war, after all.'

'Shouldn't you go and stop them?'

'Me? No. I don't do wars. Not any more. Anyone stupid enough to get themselves into a war should know what the consequences are. Whether you win or lose.'

He looked lost for a moment, and Donna realised that he was partly talking about himself. She put her hand on his arm, and squeezed gently. The Doctor quickly wiped the sad expression from his face, and beamed, back to normal – outwardly so, at least.

'Well, better be off. Want to avoid the big thank you scenes, always so embarrassing, I'm just happy to have helped out, no need for people to feel they have to lay flowers at my feet or anything.'

'You monster!'

'Eh?'

Jellop was approaching, with a face like thunder.

'You have ruined Coral City! Ruined it!'

'Hang about,' said the Doctor, holding up his hands placatingly.

'He just saved the city,' said Donna. 'If it wasn't for him, there'd be nothing left of it.'

Jellop ignored her. 'You - you put it back in the ground!'

The Doctor frowned, 'Isn't that where it's supposed to be?'

'No! Well, yes, technically, but no! We had a massive increase in tourism since the city began to float. We're the most popular destination in the entire region.' Jellop poked the Doctor in the chest with his finger. 'But who's going to want to come and see some normal city? There's nothing special about it now!'

'We came to see it,' said the Doctor defensively. 'And we didn't know it was floating.'

'Yes, but now people expect it to be, they'll be disappointed. You've put thousands of people out of work – the sales of posters, calendars and toys have kept our economy afloat. So to speak.'

'Oh, come on. I saved the entire planet from a slow, icy death. People can't be that angry, can they?'

Donna tapped his shoulder, and pointed up the street.

'Up there a bit.'

A large, angry mob was approaching.

'Ah. Time to go, Donna?'

'Time to go.'

They ran off to the TARDIS. Donna couldn't resist a glance behind her.

'Never actually seen an angry mob before,' she panted.

'Oh, you get used to them,' grinned the Doctor. 'Once you've seen one, you've seen 'em all.'

* * *

​The powerless Sarriflex ship drifted closer to the sun. Inside, Trefgar and his pug-faced accomplices sat around bored, ignoring the blazing sun which filled the viewscreen. Doulg coughed, and looked at Trefgar expectantly.

'Oh no,' said Trefgar.

'One more! Doulg like!'

Trefgar gritted his teeth. 'Please, just kill me instead.'

Doulg just kept looking at him, eagerly. Trefgar sighed, and shrugged. 'Go on, then.'

Doulg barked in excitement, then looked all around the bridge, as if searching for something. Finally, he found whatever it was. Then looked at Trefgar. 'Doulg spy. With Doulg eye. Thing begin with S. What is?'

Trefgar put his head in his hands. 'If it's "sun" again, I'm going to open the airlocks.'

Doulg looked at him in amazement. 'How know? Trefgar cheat!'

'Yes,' said Trefgar, groaning. 'Trefgar cheat...'

The End